...I am sometimes haunted by the thought that nobody really knows what it means to be you. Nobody. not your friends, not your family not your lover can see or understand the whole world like you do. Somehow talking is just not enough.
Experience eludes transmission in words in pictures even in sharing it with someone. The moment I start describing my experiences they become alien to me, because I am struggling with memory, reconstructing something that has passed in time. I cannot even connect with myself; the person I was a year ago, a day, a minute ago. I cannot live it again.
In my head as memory, yes.But my memory is fragmented and my self is broken. My experience is broken between the people I share it with, in time. There is no wholeness.
Sociology has a fancy term for it.. decentering of the subject. I am actually living it... connecting the dots of my life at each moment. I am the thread, but increasingly I am aware that I can choose not to connect. I want to feel whole so I do it.. out of fear of falling apart of not being able to recognize myself. But there is no self to save!
I am alone in my head. As you are in yours. And all your experiences become real in your head. I feel unreal sometimes.
Even those who read the words above will do it. Try and connect the dots in the words above. Make a picture, try and get to what is being said. But you can't get there. You will get somewhere though ... not my island but another place in your head.
Experience eludes transmission in words in pictures even in sharing it with someone. The moment I start describing my experiences they become alien to me, because I am struggling with memory, reconstructing something that has passed in time. I cannot even connect with myself; the person I was a year ago, a day, a minute ago. I cannot live it again.
In my head as memory, yes.But my memory is fragmented and my self is broken. My experience is broken between the people I share it with, in time. There is no wholeness.
Sociology has a fancy term for it.. decentering of the subject. I am actually living it... connecting the dots of my life at each moment. I am the thread, but increasingly I am aware that I can choose not to connect. I want to feel whole so I do it.. out of fear of falling apart of not being able to recognize myself. But there is no self to save!
I am alone in my head. As you are in yours. And all your experiences become real in your head. I feel unreal sometimes.
Even those who read the words above will do it. Try and connect the dots in the words above. Make a picture, try and get to what is being said. But you can't get there. You will get somewhere though ... not my island but another place in your head.
